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How to find nearby senior housing the easy way

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Finding nearby senior housing for a loved one can be a daunting task. Local senior living advisors help make your search easy.

And yes, there is a difference between local advisors and national listing companies. Local advisors make your job easy, give personalized service, and shield you from sales pitch overwhelm.

Do you have aging parents or elderly loved ones? If so, you have some tough decision-making ahead. Decisions about senior housing, care, and finances. It can be a daunting task.

Not only that, but emotions can run high. Family members often feel guilt, anger, stress, and fear when making decisions for their loved one.

They wonder what type of care they should look for? What facilities are nearby? What will it cost? And, how can I find a good place?

The good news is, there’s help. Senior living advisor help you find nearby, local services.

Local advisors are your boots-on-the-ground guides for making smart decisions. They streamline the process of finding nearby senior housing, care, and elder resources. These professionals are also called Elder Care Advisors, Consultants, or Senior Housing Referral Agents.

How do senior advisors help?

Advisors ask the right questions.

Smart decisions are made when the right questions are asked. And advisors ask the right questions. They uncover all the ‘puzzle pieces’ that make up your loved one’s situations:

  • family involvement,
  • care needs,
  • personal preferences,
  • social disposition,
  • finances,
  • and more.

Advsiors give you personalized service.

Advisors are connected. They’ve built relationships with industry professionals, services, and housing and care providers. That means they have expert insider-knowledge about local senior living.

Also, advisors know about government programs, related resources, and other professionals who can help with most every situation.

Advisors give you choices.

After an advisor does a thorough discovery and intake, they’ll provide a list of possible options. Then they’ll review the pros and cons with you. During the consultation they’ll narrow the list to top choices.

This process saves you a lot of time, hassle, and frustration!

Your advisor makes inquiry phone calls on your behalf. They verify vacancies, care level, finances, and preferences match up. Then they set up tours of senior communities.

When working with a local advisor, they’ll often tour with you. That way, they can help you ask the right - and sometimes difficult - questions of providers. They’ll help you look past the glitz and glamour to discover what really matters – a great match for your loved one.

Advisors shield you from pushy sales pitches.

Working with an advisor protects you from getting bombarded with sales calls and emails. Your advisor doesn’t share your contact information until you select an option or say it’s ok.

An ethical senior living advisor won’t promote a specific community either. (Unless your situation is so unique that you have very limited options). They’ll always advocate for what’s best for your loved one.

An advisor gives you a list of referrals but remains neutral. While they help you weigh pros and cons, the decision is ultimately yours and your family’s. 

Advisors help you navigate turbulent emotions.

​Anxiety, guilt, and anger can rear up when family members are making joint decisions. Sometimes people just can’t seem to agree on what’s right for mom and dad.

An advisor can meet with the group and answer everyone’s questions. In the end, if a consensus can’t be reached or there’s a lot of discord, the advisor can provide referrals to attorney’s, councilors, or mediators.

When should you call an advisor?

Sometimes an elder is in crises and a quick decision must be made.  Most advisors can respond in urgent situations but...

...the real value of an advisor’s service is found in their personalized touch as discussed above. When they can take the time to intimately work with you through the process, the greater your peace of mind and confidence in your decision.

So, call an advisor sooner rather than later. Don’t wait for a crisis so everyone has to rush.

Even if you’re just beginning to think about retirement and senior housing, call. They’ll help you start gathering information and give you planning tips for the future.

How to find a local senior housing advisor.

The best way to find an advisor is to ask others for a referral. Ask your friends, doctor's office, attorney, hospital case managers, and local senior centers. Most likely they've worked with senior advisors and can make a recommendation.

However, no matter who gives you a referral, it’s important to check the qualifications and background of a senior advisor. Make sure you verify they're a registered referral agent (in state of Oregon).  Click here to find out more about senior advisor and referral agent regulations.

All OSRAA members are registered, licensed, and bonded. Check our directory for an advisor in your area.

Member Directory

In Summary

The aging journey includes tough decisions. Decisions about where to live, what kind of care, how to pay for it, and more. It can be confusing and stressful. Senior living advisors relieve the overwhelm. You can save time, ease your stress, and make smart decisions.

Have a story tor testimony to share? Be sure to leave a comment.

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3 Nightmare stories of elders misusing their phones in assisted living

3 Nightmare stories of elders misusing their phones in assisted living

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elderly woman using phone

Monthly rent in senior living doesn’t usually include phone service. Residents decide if they want a phone and the extra expense. If so, they’re free to choose a regular landline, cell phone, or both.  

But some older adults use their phone inappropriately.

Then families struggle about what to do. It’s a difficult conversation. And it’s not always easy to decide what actions to take.

What does it mean to misuse a phone?

#1 Elderly mom calls too often

Laura’s mother lives in assisted living.

Now she calls whenever she feels staff aren’t helping her. Sometimes as much as 10 times a day. If staff don’t respond to call-bell within a minute, she thinks no one will respond. So, she calls Laura.

Mom calls day and night saying she’s in trouble, that she’s dying, and blaming Laura for never visiting. 

#2 Dad calls friends and family, falsely accuses son

Jeff’s dad also lives in assisted living. He accuses Jeff of being bossy and controlling his life. Dad spends his day calling relatives and friends, telling them that Jeff is stealing all his money.

#3 Dad lost thousands falling for marketing and scam calls

Bob’s dad has spent thousands on TV shopping. He’s also fallen for marketing scam calls. He gives out personal info to callers. Bob has closed all the credit card accounts and limited his dad’s access to money. His dad is angry and accuses Bob of controlling his life.

#4 Mom calls 911 too many times

Jan’s mom has dementia which has exacerbated her negative personality. She calls and leaves hurtful, nasty messages for Jan. Mom accuses Jan and her caregivers of terrible behavior. She’s even called 911 several times.

What can you do when elders misuse their phones?

So, what options do families have? What is loving, respectful AND in everyone’s best interest?

Having a phone almost seems like a “right.” And, most of us hesitate taking away a parent’s freedom. Or be accused of isolating them.

Most of us don’t want to destroy our relationship with a loved one.

Here’s a list of ideas that other families have found helpful. Each situation is different so there’s no one answer.

Checklist of things to try:

  • Check with your parent or loved one’s health care provider. Ask for a mental health evaluation to screen for depression, anxiety, and dementia. There may be underlying issues and medications that can help.
  • Follow up on your parent’s complaints and verify call bell response times. Maybe staff really are taking a long time to respond. Visit the community at various times of day and evening. Use the call bell and time how long it takes someone to answer.
  • Ask for a printout of response times. Check how often your parent is using the call bell. See if any patterns show up.
  • Ask for a care-plan meeting with staff. Discuss expectations with your loved one. Reassure her you’re all trying your best to meet her needs. Reassure her that staff will call you in the event of a real emergency. Define a real emergency.
  • Set boundaries. Make a behavioral plan. Limit the number of times per day he can call. Limit the availability of the phone to a few hours per day. Ask staff to help by giving your loved one the phone only during certain hours.
  • Remind your loved one to call the staff for help; you can’t come over. Let her know when your next visit will be. Then keep your promise.
  • Make a calendar so your loved one knows when you’re coming. Ask them to write down all their complaints and issues. When you visit discuss each item. Find resolutions if you can.
  • Reassure your loved one that you care. When with them, slow down and take time to listen. What are they afraid of? Abandonment? Loss of control?
  • Protect yourself from false accusations. Keep careful records of expenses, health documentation, and professional recommendations.
  • Include your siblings and other family stakeholders in discussions. Try to get “on the same page”. If there’s discord about how to handle a loved one’s care and finances, get help. Enlist services of a family counselor or mediator.
  • Consider deleting contacts from your loved one’s phone or speed-dial. “Misplace” their address book (or at least the phone numbers in it).
  • Disable the phone. Tell them it must be broken. Remove the phone and tell them it’s in the repair shop.
  • If you’re getting verbally abusive phone calls, don’t answer your phone. Save voice messages. Record conversations. Add these to your documentation.
  • Talk to Adult Protective Services (APS). Be transparent and explain the situation. Then, in the event someone believes your parent’s false stories, you have a third-party to help.
  • If your loved one is calling 911 inappropriately, it’s time to take the phone away. If you don’t want to be the “bad guy”, ask if an officer can come talk to them first.
  • Some cell phones have “child-proof” features that can block incoming and outgoing numbers. This is especially helpful if your loved one is susceptible to scam and marketing calls.
  • Take care of yourself. It’s normal to feel frustrated and angry when you’re falsely accused. Especially when you’re trying your best to care for a loved one. Seek counseling. Consider strategies such as keeping a journal, meditation, and exercise.

In summary

Hopefully, you aren’t facing any issues with your elderly loved one misusing their telephone. But if you are, or will in the future, we hope these ideas help.

Comment below and share your experience.

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Be Smart About the Costs of Moving Mom In With You

Be Smart About the Costs of Moving Mom In With You

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As our parents age and become frail, we start looking at different care options. If you or your sibling is thinking of moving mom in with you, carefully consider the costs. Know what you’re getting yourself into.  

Most adult children are usually motivated by a deep love for their parent. They’re committed to providing the best. They feel no one can do a better job of caring than family.

While you may agree with that sentiment, be sure to examine your motives. Before making any commitment, start by answering your ‘why’.

Is it a philosophical belief that ‘family takes care of their own’? Or do you hate seeing all mom’s assets spent on a facility? Or do you feel obligated because of promises made long ago? Or do you feel guilty and want to live up to your parent’s expectations?

Whatever your reasons, clearly define them. They’ll help you create healthy boundaries and expectations of your own.

After you’re clear about your ‘why’, consider the impact of multi-generational living on your finances, relationships, and personal space.

Financial Costs

People often under-estimate the financial costs of caring for a parent. And expenses go up as they age. These costs include possible income loss, remodeling, and hired care.

Potential income loss

People often under-estimate the financial costs of caring for a parent. And expenses go up as they age. These costs include possible income loss, remodeling, and hired care.

Studies show that:

  • 33% of working women decreased work hours
  • 29% passed up a job promotion, training or assignment
  • 22% took a leave of absence
  • 20% switched from full-time to part-time employment
  • 16% quit their jobs
  • 13% retired early

Considering that, think about whether someone will have to quit work when mom or dad moves in. Can your family afford the reduced income plus the increased costs of food and utilities? Will you parent contribute to the household expenses?

Potential remodeling costs

First assess your home for safety, accessibility, and logistics. You may decide to expand your home, remodel a bathroom, build ramps, or build a separate “granny pod”.

Do your research on estimated costs. Can you afford it? Will it increase the value of the property?

Will your parent contribute financially to the remodel? If so, what reimbursement will they get if you sell the home? And if something unexpectedly happens to your parent, will you reimburse their estate?

Potential care costs

Your mom might move in with you while she’s still cognizant, ambulatory, and continent. But as she ages, her abilities will likely change. If you’ve never been a caregiver, you’ll be surprised by how hard it is.

Family caregivers often don’t realize how stressful care giving is. It’s a 24 x 7 job. You’re constantly taking on new care tasks – ones you’re not trained for. They often report feeling exhausted and depressed. Caregivers report finding it difficult to maintain a healthy balance in their lives.

Family caregivers underestimate how much support they’ll need. And for many, it’s hard to ask for help. They often put unrealistic expectations on themselves. They try meeting every need and be the ‘perfect’ child.

Respite breaks are essential for a caregiver’s well-being. So ask yourself, ‘Who else can help with increasing care demands’? Family, siblings, relatives?

Can you or your parent afford hired in-home caregivers? If not, are there other family members who can chip in?

Get a realistic picture of what it means to be a caregiver.

  • Read personal stories from caregivers.
  • Watch how-to videos on YouTube. Things like how to safely transfer someone, give showers, and help with incontinence.

Relationship Costs

Moving a parent in with you is a family decision. Even if you’ll do most of the work, everyone must be on-board. Many marriages have split over the change in duties, roles, and relationship dynamics.

Siblings and extended family

This includes having a conversation with siblings and other extended family. It’s an emotional time. You’re acknowledging your parent is aging and needs help. And you won’t be able to do it alone. Find out who’s willing to help and how.

Additionally, prepare for sibling disagreement. Past roles and relationships can come into conflict. Your motives will be questioned. Make sure everyone’s viewpoint is heard.

Try to keep the discussion focused on the well-being of your parent. And expect everyone to have different ideas about how to best meet those needs.

A word of advice: consider hiring an elder mediator, social worker, or elder advisor to act as a guide.

Your relationship with your parent

Similarly, consider the relationship you’ve historically had with your parent. Has it been easy going or fraught with tension? Has your dad been controlling? Or your mom been a complainer? Have you felt they’re impossible to please?

If that’s the case, it probably won’t change. In fact, living with your parent as an adult will likely bring up a lot of emotional baggage from the past.

When 3 generations or more live under one roof

What’s more, if children still live at home, they may need extra attention. Especially if they’re asked to give up their room for grandma. And what about if you have a blended family? Will your stepchildren cope?

Living under one roof won’t be like in the TV series, The Waltons. Consider your parent’s attitude about kids. There’s a big generation gap between acceptable lifestyles. Your dad or mom might voice strong opinions; which likely won’t go over well. Are you ready to act as peacekeeper?

Factor in illness or dementia

And your kids will need help understanding what’s happening if your parent has an illness or dementia. Irregular behavior by a grandparent may scare or embarrass your children.

Let your kids know that they are not the cause of their grandparent’s possible anger, weeping, or fear.

Seek out books and videos from the library. Read them together and discuss the questions that come up. Talk about ways they can deal with the situation.

Your parent's social needs with peers

While we’re discussing relationships, think about how living with you will affect your parent’s friendships. Will their friends feel comfortable visiting? Will you take your parent to the senior center or church groups for socialization?

Finally, think about if your parent will get lonely and isolated if you’re still working outside the home. Plan ways they can keep up the activities they enjoy.

​Costs on Your Space, Time, & Routine

For most of us, our home is our refuge. It’s where we relax and turn off the world. When your parent moves in, you may feel your space invaded. Your home is no longer your home.

Most likely you’ll find your schedule and time now revolves around someone else’s needs. You’ll cook differently. You’ll find a corner of your mind is always listening in case mom needs something.

Interruptions

For instance, if you work from home, anticipate interruptions. A knock on the door. The intercom beeping. Dad has a question or needs help in the bathroom.

Similarly, if you and your spouse are watching a movie how will you feel about your parent joining you or interrupting you?

Privacy and personal space

Your parent doesn’t need to know everything that’s going on in your personal life. Set boundaries and expectations. This is a role reversal and you may feel uneasy doing it. But this is the time to work it out or readjust your thinking.

While you are your mother’s daughter (or son) you’ve both evolved over time. You may not share the same opinions, standards, politics, values, or belief systems now. Agree to disagree. Steer clear of criticism and judgement.

In Summary

Without a doubt, moving your parent in with you (or your moving in with them) can bring about a closeness you never had before. It’s an opportunity to put love into action.

On the other hand, it’s not for everyone.

Carefully think about why you want to be their primary caregiver. There’s no guilt if you don’t choose this path in order to love and care for them.

Then factor the financial, relationship, and personal space costs.

Leave a comment below to let us know how this article helped you.

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